I MATTER TOO

Shhhhh…………
Do not speak, right now the sound of your voice
Feels like a dagger that has been buried in chest
Mercilessly,
And every “I’m sorry”, every “I didn’t mean to”
Every  “ It was a mistake” only seem to make it
Dig deeper and it’s almost cutting through my soul.

SHUT UP!!!! Stop uttering empty words.
Yes they are beautiful, but they are empty, and I despise them
Right now.
It feels like I’m drowning in your ocean of beautiful lies,
And you’re trying to hand me the life vest
But I can’t get to you. I’m not able to reach you
Maybe I’m just tired of being hit by waves of deception
And whenever I think I’m close to the shore the tide of betrayal rises
Higher and higher…. And I seem to drown deeper and deeper.

Or maybe, I refuse to let you save me,
Not this time, you will not be the hero because
I matter too.
This time, for the first time, I will not give you the pleasure of dealing
The cards because
I matter too.
Not this time, not today, not ever again
Will you turn the tables and come off as an honourable knight
In shining armour, riding his horse, with pride blowing up your chest.
When in first place you’re the reason I got wounded in this battle

I matter too, I matter too baby
Did you not think of that when you left me wandering in
A forest of doubt, screaming for your name? searching for your care?
I matter too. I matter too hon
Or did you just pretend I didn’t when you asked her for her name?
Or was it when you spent the night on the phone sharing your thoughts
And dreams with her? Uh?
Thoughts and dreams that you shared with me first.
Oh wait. I think I know
It must have been when you decided to navigate through her body
I guess you forgot your values too.

Well my daddy always told me that I matter,
So baby you can go ahead and keep on defiling her because
A man like you, does not matter to me.

Warezza Carvalho